are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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