Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
