they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
