i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
