Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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