Will you blow on my dice?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
