Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Life is so much better after having sex.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
