I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
