Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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