I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
