Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
