I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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