How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize