he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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