Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
