My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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