How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
