i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
