Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
