Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
