i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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