When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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