Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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