Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
