I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
