the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
