More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
