big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
