Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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