just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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