Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
