Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
