his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
