none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
