just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
