she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ttyl tear gas
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
