I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
