Pants 0. Shit 1.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
