I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
