Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
