i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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