I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
