Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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