The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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