there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
