see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
