i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
