look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
