Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
