I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
