Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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