your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
