also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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