i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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