So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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