Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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