If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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