You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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