well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
