Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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