I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
