Can Purell be used as lube?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
