If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
