high people should be assigned attendants
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
