I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i came on her dog
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
