About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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