It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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