I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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