will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
