If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
